Finding Safety Within: Navigating Mental Health Through Self-Compassion and Control
"You are not a mess. You are a deeply feeling person in a messy world." – Glennon Doyle
In a world that often feels chaotic and overwhelming, where we are inundated with distressing news and uncertainty every time we scroll, it is easy to feel powerless. When everything around us seems out of control, how do we regulate our nervous systems and find stability? By recognizing what is within our locus of control and cultivating self-compassion to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace we can restore our stability.
Our Locus of Control
At any given moment, there are things we can control and things we cannot. We may not be able to change global events, other people’s actions, or unexpected life circumstances, but we can control how we respond. When we shift our focus toward what is within our power—our thoughts, choices, and self-care practices—we regain a sense of agency. This empowers us to move towards wellness rather than becoming paralyzed by fear or despair.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Nervous System Regulation
When we are overwhelmed, our nervous system shifts into survival mode, triggering stress responses such as fight, flight, fawn, or freeze. To counteract this, we must learn to cultivate a sense of safety within ourselves. This begins with self-compassion—the practice of treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a loved one in distress. I like to call this “excessive” self love because it doesn’t come naturally to me and I need to push myself to a level that feels “excessive”.
As Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, explains, “With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.” When we embrace this mindset, we create an inner refuge, a safe space where we can regulate our emotions and foster resilience.
Cultivating Safety Inside and Out
Feeling safe is essential for emotional well-being. Do you remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs from school? Safety is foundational just above food, water, and shelter. To achieve this foundation, we must cultivate both internal and external sources of safety:
Internal Safety: Practices like deep breathing, mindfulness, grounding techniques, and positive self-talk can help regulate our nervous system. Engaging in activities that bring us joy, whether it’s journaling, movement, or creative expression, reinforces a sense of inner stability.
External Safety: No one thrives in isolation. Building a support system of trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals creates a safety net. Seeking connection, whether through conversation, community, or simple acts of presence, reminds us that we are not alone.
As Brené Brown reminds us, “Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” Creating a support system and fostering connections strengthens our ability to navigate challenges with courage and self-compassion.
What Truly Matters
Once we establish a foundation of safety and self-compassion, we can begin to identify what we are moving towards. Instead of being consumed by what we fear or cannot control, we can focus on what we value. What brings meaning to our lives? What small steps can we take toward fulfillment and purpose? Aligning our actions with our values gives us direction, motivation, and a sense of hope.
Small steps make a big difference
Taking care of ourselves does not mean ignoring the hard things—it means equipping ourselves to face them with strength and clarity. We simply cannot support others without supporting ourselves. Small, intentional actions can help us stay grounded:
Limiting our consumption of distressing news
Setting healthy boundaries
Engaging in regular self-care
Practicing gratitude and presence
Seeking and offering support
By prioritizing self-compassion and focusing on what we can control, we build resilience. We learn to navigate uncertainty with grace, finding safety within and around us. In doing so, we create a world where, despite the chaos, we can still find peace and move forward with intention.