As I just celebrated my 40th birthday last month, I felt it fitting to put together a list of 40 important lessons I have learned during my first 40 years. I tried to capture the happy, the sad, the frustrating, and the funny moments that have most shaped my life so far. While there’s still a lot I have yet to learn, these lessons have made life all the more fulfilling along the way. They are a reminder that life is messy, but it always manages to surprise us in unexpected ways, especially if we allow our past to positively influence our present.

1. Your 20s are for growing up, your 30s are for settling into careers, your 40s are for not caring what others think and doing your thing.

2. Social media.  No one really cares.  Get over yourself.

3. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they’re healthy to be around.  You don’t have to be around anyone.

4. Childhood dreams don’t have to die just because you’re a grown-up.

5. The voice in your head telling you that you can’t do something – it’s not yours.  Someone put it there. Tell it to shut up.

6. Spend money on good jeans, nice leggings, and great meals.

7. Debt is a necessary evil.  We don’t usually have nice things or start businesses without debt.

8. Marry someone who is a good friend.  

9. Travel.

10. Surround yourself with people who are real, have flaws, and tell you when you have food in your teeth.

11. When someone tells you Trump is running for president, don’t assume it’s a joke and laugh it off.

12. Don’t say “sorry” unless you did something wrong.

13. Taylor Swift – It is ok to be a 40-year-old and be obsessed with a 30-year-old.

14. People constantly show you who they really are.  Are you paying attention?

15. Narcissists suck.  The only way to deal with them is no contact.

16. It’s ok to say that you’re smart, pretty, clever, whatever.  Own your strengths.

17. Also own your weaknesses.

18. Saying you’re not perfect but trying to be perfect anyway is still perfectionism

19. Other people care about you turning 40 more than you do.

20. 20 years ago was the longest year of your life.  And now you are celebrating the 19th anniversary of turning 21.

21. Find exercises that you like, not what you think you should do.

22. Find a job you love because you spend more time at your job than anywhere else.

23. Leaving something that doesn’t work doesn’t mean you are quitting.

24. Never apologize for your music choices.  You like what you like.

25. People are more concerned with themselves than with what you are doing (see #2).

26. Starting a business is scary but totally worth it.

27. The best laid plans NEVER go according to plan.

28. This includes travel – travel with people who can go with the flow.

29. Journal your thoughts during big life events.

30. Practice mindfulness – no one knows you’re doing mindfulness when you’re doing it.

31. Use mindfulness skills during big life events (i.e. weddings, birthdays, births) because if you are in the moment, you will remember more.

32. Every situation has a good and bad side.

33. Create closure for yourself and no one else.  

34. You can’t make other people see that they’re making bad decisions; sometimes it’s best to let them figure that out on their own.

35. You’re never done learning new things.

36. Keep up to date on new apps and technologies.  You never know when you may need to use them.

37. Try at least one new restaurant/brewery/café each month.

38. Plan a trip even if you don’t know when you will be able to take a trip.

39. The only person who knows what you had wanted or planned is you.  No one else knows or will be as disappointed as you are that something isn’t the way you wanted it to be.

40. Age is only a number.