In play therapy, I use simple, yet effective skills to show the client that I am paying attention to them and only them. I want them to know that I am interested and excited to see what they have to show me! This one-on-one, direct attention is something that not all children have the opportunity to experience, with classrooms of 20+ students, potentially siblings at home, and how busy caregivers’ lives can tend to be! 

Play Therapy Skills:

Here are some of the skills that I use during play therapy. I encourage you to utilize these skills at home in order to provide continuity of care for your child. These are evidence-based play therapy skills and techniques, for which I have received education and training. Feel free to refer to this article written by Megan Owenz for a more detailed description of each of the skills listed below.

Reflection: Reflect back what your child says to you. This naturally calming technique demonstrates to your child that you have their full attention. For example, if your child says, “I built a big tower,” you say, “I see you built a big tower.”

Praise: Praise appropriate behavior from the child. Acknowledge hard work. “Wow, you are working hard to balance those blocks!”

Imitation: This allows your child to lead and shows that you can follow and are engaged. If the child says, “I am going to build a big tower,” you say, “I will build a big tower, too.” Follow their lead in the play.

Description/Tracking: Describe what your child is doing. This shows you are paying attention and helps build the connection during play. “I see you are using a pattern of red and blue to build your tower.”

Enthusiasm: Demonstrate interest in playing with your child. “Wow! This is fun!” Show that you enjoy playing with them.

Limit Setting:

The only rule I set in the playroom is that we can do anything as long as the child doesn’t get hurt, the therapist doesn’t get hurt, and the toys/room don’t get hurt. I understand accidents happen, but there are times when a child purposefully breaks a toy or wants to throw something at me that would hurt. In this moment, I say:

• “I can see you want to (break that toy, throw something at me, etc), but…”

• “I am not for throwing things at” or “that toy is not for breaking”

• “I wonder where else you could throw that toy that wouldn’t hurt anyone” or “I wonder if there’s a toy in here that’s okay to break or tear up” 

 If they persist with the misbehavior, I would then say:

• “I see you still want to (throw that toy at me or break that toy). If you choose to do so, you are choosing to no longer play with the toy.” 

 If this continues, I would then say:

• “I see you still want to (throw that toy at me or break that toy). If you choose to do so, you are choosing to end our play time today.”

Here I am emphasizing the child’s choice. This empowers the child to control what happens next because their chosen behavior will result in a specific outcome.  
 

Suggestions for Home:

It is incredibly helpful to for children to have continuity between therapy, home life, and play at home. Here are some helpful tips for boosting that continuity of care:

• Find 5-15 minutes per day to engage in this kind of play with your child (reflecting, praising, tracking, etc.).

• If you have more than one child, find time to spend with each child individually. This doesn’t have to be a special outing and doesn’t need to cost anything! Sit with them as they play a game and utilize the skills listed above, giving them that one-on-one attention. Spend a few minutes before they go to bed talking with them, asking them about their day and how they are. There are many ways to provide these one-on-one interactions that can be unique to your family! Take a look at your family calendar and schedule that time in if need be! In my opinion, this is just as important as getting your children to an appointment or to school on time, so if scheduling it in ensures that it will happen, do it. 

• When asking children about their days, I find it helpful to ask for one rose (a good thing that happened) and one thorn (a not-so-good thing). When they mention the thorn, demonstrate curiosity about how they dealt with it. When they tell you, praise them for being so resilient and resourceful! This boosts their confidence about solving problems on their own. Even the smallest thing is important to capitalize on through praise. 
  

Additional Resources:

For additional inspiration on how to foster your child’s growth, I would recommend reading The Whole Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. This book describes how your child’s brain works and how you can help their development.